Days Until Heartbreak/Exploration
i'm starting an exploration on love which is my safe haven part thirty two of Days Until Heartbreak The rest of the day is heaven. It's been so long since I've been alone with Ice that it's such a relief to just be in his den with him. I peer at him in the dim lighting and smirk when I see a content look on his face. He looks so at peace with his beautiful blue eyes shut and his normally scrunched up face fully relaxed. I gaze at him for a moment longer before he cracks open one eye. "I can feel you staring at me," he gives me a small smile, "I'm starting to wonder when you'll make your move." I roll my eyes and touch my nose to his. "Depends how long you're willing to wait," I laugh breathlessly, my eyes remaining on him. "I'd wait forever for you." Ice shifts slightly so his cheek brushes against mine. "It's been awhile since we've done this," he murmurs, "I've missed you. I've missed this." My heart quickens at his words. "Does that mean you're back forever?" I breath out. Ice gives me a soft smile. "For now," he says in a resigned voice, "but I don't know about the future." A dark look crosses his eyes, but I dismiss it for now. Tonight and tomorrow are going to be devoted to Ice and Ice alone. ~ "Hey Ice?" I roll over so I'm facing him, "If I asked you what was love, would you tell me what you did all those days ago?" The white tom doesn't open his eyes. "Of course I would." I stay silent. After a moment, Ice opens his eyes, his pale blue eyes, and mews, "Would you?" "Would I what?" I ask, momentarily distracted by the flash of his brilliant eyes. Ice blinks once before saying, "Would you tell me what you told me about love?" I hesitate. I recall my own words. "No," I meet his gaze evenly, "I wouldn't." Ice gives a small, tentative smile. "I'm glad." Before I can ask what he means, he drags me up. "We should visit Raji." He noses me towards the entrance without hearing my protests. "Now?" I yelp as he hurries me along, "It's the middle of the night and it took us an entire day to get there last time! Actually scratch that, it took weeks! How are we going to visit him now and return within the night? Ice? ICE?" I skid to a halt, forcing the white tom to stop. "Where are we going?" I huff. "Raji has a nice den further down this way," Ice explains, "he goes there from time to time." "And you know he's there right now?" "No," Ice grins, "but it's worth a try." I roll my eyes affectionally at Ice's nonchalance of the situation and head after him into the dark. We travel for a short while before Ice pulls up in front of a rather spacious looking den. "This is Raji's place? What happened to the little hut he had in Sweetheart Village?" Ice gives a tiny shrug. He walks forward without another word. I huff about rude manners and stalk after him. Ice carefully eases himself into the den and he crows in joy. "Raji!" The black tom is obviously startled. His bright, ice blue eyes light up in the darkness. "Ice?" He grumbles, "What exactly are you doing here in the middle of the night? Couldn't you wait until morning or something?" "That's what I was thinking." Raji glances past Ice at me. "Sari! I didn't know you and Ice were still--" "We were just coming by to visit for the night," Ice interrupts. His blue eyes, just a shade paler than Raji's, are dark. "Don't make us leave early." Raji glances warily at Ice, but he relaxes. I stiffen when I realize Ice must have been in contact with Raji since we had left him at Sweetheart Village. In fact just after we had left... I shake my head vigorously to erase that image. Raji is inviting us further into the den to talk and enjoy the night while we had time. Ice loops his tail loosely through mine. "The toms have teamed up with the she-cats now, as we both face a common enemy: the Clan. Since Sari here needed a bodyguard, I volunteered, naturally, and we were just having a day off." "I'm pretty sure the day doesn't mean I have the night too," I glare at Ice. "Aura will kill us when we get back." "I hear love stays strong even throughout death," Raji says softly. I know he's not kidding. I recall Ice's words of Raji's mate, who had died trying to give birth to Raji's first and last kit. He manages to crack a smile, "So no worries there, right?" Neither Ice or I laugh. Raji shifts his paws. "Did you guys have a reason for coming other than wanting to talk? I'm setting back out for Sweetheart Village tomorrow and I would like my sleep." "No," Ice begins, but I interrupt him. "Can I speak to you privately?" Ice gives me a questioning look but I push him for the entrance. "Go outside. Raji won't try to kill me. I'll be out in five minutes." The white tom nods slowly and he pads outside without another word. When I turn around, Raji is studying me carefully. "It's about you and Ice, isn't it?" He asks softly, his blue eyes warm, despite the icy tone to it. "You're very perceptive and I know you know that Ice has told me about your many fall-outs." "Yeah," I exhale, "it's about me and him." Raji seats himself and indicates that I should to. He waits patiently and I gather my thoughts, trying to determine what I really wanted to ask him. "Your mate," I blurt out. Raji's face closes off. "What about her?" "Ice told me about her last time we saw you. Earlier you said love stays strong even through death. You still love her very much, don't you?" I glance down at my paws, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "I love her as much as I did when she was alive," Raji sighs, "But even if the love is there, I'll never get her back. Love may not die but..." I bite my lip. "I'm sorry." Raji shakes his head. "Don't be. What does my mate have to do with Ice?" "How do you know when you've found the cat you love?" I raise my gaze to meet Raji's. "Is it something you just have to trust or is there a feeling you get?" Raji looks sympathetic. "You want to know if your love for Ice is real." I give one nod. "It's something you have to know for yourself, Sari. There's no way I'll know for you. When you find someone you love the most, you'll know for sure." Raji gives a hopeless shrug, "I can't tell you anymore than that." "Do you think I should stay with him?" The black tom looks taken aback. "You love him, don't you?" "I don't know," I say bitterly, "that's why I asked." Raji's blue eyes glow, "Last time I saw the two of you, you were the sweetest couple I know. Ice had told me about you before he brought you, and I thought he was silly to make a move for a she-cat as fierce as you. I remember him telling me he found someone he actually wanted to settle down for. Ice isn't one for she-cats, Sari, no matter what you think. He's never once brought a girlfriend to my place before." "So I should stay with him?" The black tom hesitates. "It's your decision, Sari. I don't know how happy you are with him, but Ice has a certain look whenever he's with you. The thrill of knowing that this is new. I'd say he's in love." I give Raji a small smile. "Thanks." As I move towards the door, Raji calls out to me. "Just go with it, Sari. Trust your instinct. I know you think he's out with another she-cat, but if that's the case, he would never come back for you. Ice isn't that sort of tom. He doesn't play with one until her heartstrings are broken because he can't decide which she-cat he wants. He knows how to settle and pick properly." I don't know what to say after that but I thank the tom anyways before padding outside. "All good?" Ice greets me from where he's seated, "I think we should head home." "Yeah, I'm ready." I agree, "But first, let's make a pit stop at your place. I haven't had any real quality time with you in forever."